Numbers
by Madcow5678
Summary: 50 numbers, 50 characters. And your choices dictate what messed up crack ends up here.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm really stuck with things to write, so I'm trying something a little new. I've listed 50 south park characters at random, and numbered them. I'm getting people to pick numbers, and writing the characters attributed to each number. **

**So yeah, if you want in on this insanity, review, and pick a maximum of 3 numbers, between 1 and 50, and please also state whether or not you want it to be romantic/sexual or not. Please don't bitch at me about some of these pairings. You pick the numbers, so it's your own faults xD**

**SP & Characters © Matt Stone and Trey Parker**

**

* * *

**

"Yeah, so like I was saying, Principal Victoria. I'm not a fag no more. I'm straight as a...a fuckin' ruler."

"Oh yes?"

"Yeah! An', an' I'm all man again. Gimme poontang any day of the week, and I'm _there_."

"Herb, please-"

"Wha'? These fags not like me exertin' my masculinity?"

"For the love of God, will you just-"

"Yeah. I'm such a man now. Charles damn Atlas himself couldn' do better. 'Fact, I'm dying for some pussy right now. Know anybody?"

"Mr Garrison! I am a married woman!"

"Didn't stop you before. "

"Yes well..."

"Ted still not know about that?"

"No, he doesn't, and if-"

"Ted doesn't notice much, does he? That erectile dysfunction thing must be workin' it's magic in the mind too. Shame really, a nice ass like that..."

"E-excuse me?!"

"Yeah, nice firm, tight ass an-Oh God! I-I mean, I love titties. What did I say? Oh God!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all my reviews and such, guys!**

**I'm not doing these in any particular order, just so you know. I've made a list of every combination that's been requested, and I'm just doing them as I fancy. No one specified if they wanted theirs to be romantic or not. If you don't specify, it'll be non-romantic by here we have Satan, Damien and Sheila. Enjoy!**

**No offense meant to either Freddie Mercury, Raymond Burr or DJ AM. May they all RIP. And not hate me for making fun of them**

**South Park © Comedy Central

* * *

  
**

"Ohh, it just seems so _hopeless, _Sheila. I mean, Damien, he's such a bright boy: so good at everything he does. He'll be such an awesome Prince of Darkness someday and yet...I don't think he loves me. I try, but it just seems like the harder I try, the more he pushes away from me, y'know? We used to be so close, but now it seems like my l'il buddy's slipping away from me..."

"I'm right here, Dad."

"And...and he isn't mixing well with the other kids at the Academy-"

"The other kids are lame. You can only set them on fire once, and then they explode into sulphur, malice and despair. Demons are infidels. And totally gay."

"Now, Damien, what have I said about using that word as an insult? That's another thing, he just won't accept any of my boyfriends-"

"I refuse to allow my father to date Freddie Mercury. Or Raymond Burr, for that matter."

"Now, Satan. You've just gotta take your son in hand. You have to show them that they should respect you. Be firm, and he'll soon start getting the message-"

"Mrs Broflovski?"

"Yes, Damien, Bubbe?"

"Your mother is having an affair with DJ AM."

"What What WHAT?!"

"Yeah. Fornicating like rabbits. Thought you'd like to know."


	3. Chapter 3

**Would have updated sooner, but I've had a lot on, what with school and everything. Anyway, I'm here now. My first romantic request...which somehow resulted in perversion...and stuff. I had to think a lot before I wrote this: I couldn't think of many ways to write this without being lynched xD.**

**But then I remembered that Karen is a McCormick, and so (in my world, at least), she can die and come back. And my problem was solved. Kudos to John for the original idea too, although I ended up changing it slightly. Enjoy!**

**South Park © Comedy Central

* * *

  
**

"So,Randy, you hear the latest with the McCormicks?"

"Oh, about their daughter dying? Yeah, it's terrible, Chris-the family's gone through so much already. She was so young, it just doesn't seem right. I was talking to Gerald last night-he said Ike's in pieces about it."

"Poor girl. Still, at least she 's not suffering anymore, right?"

"Yeah."

"Hey Randy, check out that broad over there."

"Nice..."

"Yeah. God, look at those tits. I'd do that any day of the week."

"Fuck me, yes."

"Um...excuse me, Mr Marsh?"

"Yeah, sugar?"

"Could you uh...take me home?"

"Oh, I'd love to, sugar, just as long as you're eighteen.

"I'm not, but please take me home. My mom and dad'll be worried about me. They weren't sure I'd come back."

"From a night on the town? You're a naughty girl, huh?"

"N-no. I don't think so anyway, since I ended up in heaven."

"Well, I'm sure glad you came back from heaven. Much too pretty to be wasted on God."

"PLEASE! My parents will be so upset about me dying. I need to get home, and tell them I'm okay...and to ask if I'll go back to my normal body soon."

"Y-your what?"

"Yeah, Kenny said it happened to him once. When we die, we're reborn, and grow up quickly. But I guess it messed up or something, and I'm...older. To look at anyway. I wanna find out if it wears off soon."

"Uh s-sure, K-Karen. I'll...I'll take you. But uh, how bout you don't tell Stuart about this...?"


End file.
